Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
