I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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