An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
