im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
