to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
