Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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