the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
