ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
