so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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