her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
