Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
