Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
