Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
