this beer tastes like vomit already
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Randomize
