her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
