everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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