Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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