i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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