just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
