I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
