she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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