i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
