i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
