So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
