Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize