I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
