I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
