I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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