I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
