Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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