it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
