Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My feet surprised me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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