Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
