We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
