how can u be prego again
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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