First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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