At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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