he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Less talking, more tequila
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
