sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its not stalking. its research.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
