Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
