Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
