she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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