I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize