Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
