I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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