No stitches, just platelets and will power
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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