I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
