my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
