apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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