I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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