If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
