i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
