when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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