wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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