3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
