I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
