i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
