Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
