Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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