Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
