I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
