we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
