Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
