Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize