chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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