Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
