he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
