But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
