they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
