Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
