I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
