im gay
i know
yea but for you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
