Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
