he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
