what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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