I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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