mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
