just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
