i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
