I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
