If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
