i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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